Part Two: The Pre-Season

Well, I'm pretty late with this one but here's how it goes. For some reason or other (knowing exactly why this exists might possibly make me a fan, and we can't have that now can we), the NHL has a number of games scheduled between the league's hockey clubs throughout the month of September before the season officially starts on the 29th. Thus far Vancouver's won 2 of the 4 pre-season games played thus far, and were this a more serious sports blog I'd probably have something to say about what this could mean for Vancouver's future in the regular season. But seeing as that isn't really my style, I have instead prepared for you all the handy-dandy Non-Fan's Guide To The NHL 07/08 Pre-Season: Vancouver Canucks Edition. Enjoy.

First rule of the pre-season: Vancouver does not win to the Mighty Ducks. It just doesn't happen.

In this year's pre-season games, Vancouver's been matched up against the Calgary Flames (thrashed in our first game against them, a 4-0 shutout in our favour), the Edmonton Oilers (4-5 victory to the Canucks), the San Jose Sharks (beat us 3-1) and the Anaheim Mighty Ducks (3-2, victory to the Ducks. Obviously.) Now, with any of those other games things probably could've gone either way (like I'd know - it's not like I watched these games), but approximately all my recent memories of Canucks games have involved seeing the Ducks kick our sorry butts, booting us out of the playoff race and then going on to win the whole thing just to spite us. So the first rule of the pre-season is that Vancouver does not win to the Ducks. Seriously. It just doesn't happen.

Second rule of the pre-season: Everything you need to know, you can find in The Province.

Well, OK. The Vancouver Sun probably has a good sports section too, but I never read the Sun because it's bloody huge for no good reason and I always found the size makes it unnecessarily tedious to read. Anyhow, pretty much everything you need to know about the pre-season can be bought for a good $1.40 (minimum of $1.87 outside of the lower mainland, apparently) at any half-decent newsstand, grocery store, convenience store, SkyTrain station or wherever else might happen to sell newspapers. I mean, theoretically you could also look online (maybe to a decent sports blog, you traitor you), but for what it's worth I always say nothing beats reading about hockey along with your corn flakes when you finally get out of bed at about 11 in the morning.

Third rule of the pre-season (and first rule of the regular season): NHL hockey videogames are not a good way to predict the pre-season (or the regular season, for that matter)

Ever play EA Sports' NHL games? Or maybe you're more into 2K Sports. Whichever franchise you may prefer, the time-honoured trend of attempting to predict the outcome of upcoming games by pitting virtual representations of participating teams against each other tends to produce results about as reliable as writing down scores, putting them in a hat and picking them out at random. That being said, I hear NHL 08 from EA Sports is getting buzz as being the most realistic hockey game ever made - still doesn't change the rule, but it's something to think about.

And there it is. The Non-Fan's Guide To The Pre-Season. Read it and be empowered, fellow non-fans!