Part Ten: THE FINAL

All-caps for mad emphasis, yo. This is the tenth and final installment of my Confessions As A Non-Fan, in which I look deep inside my heart and find that, yep, I don't actually care about the Canucks after all.

When I started this blog, there was actually something of a weird sense of hope I had going in. I was hoping that, somehow, through talking about not liking our stupid local hockey team, there would be something of a reversal going on and I actually would start to like them. Hope springs eternal, eh?

My non-fandom was never more apparent to me than when a group of hockey fans came onto the SkyTrain when I was riding past Stadium station apparently just after a game. They were all smiling, happy, jersey-wearing fools for whom it seemed no greater pleasure could be had than that which they had just experienced. Looking at these people, all high off the adrenaline of a Canucks victory and currently friends with anyone wearing a C on their chest, all I could think of was how annoying it is when you're not having a great time and you're with people who are. But I don't think this was jealousy so much as a lack of understanding between the fans and I: I just can't get into the mindset anymore where a hockey game is something to get excited about, whether our home team won or not.

However, I apparently can still kind of get into hockey video games. I played a few rounds of NHL 2K7 on the PS3 with a friend of mine (he was playing the Canucks, I chose the Ducks simply to spite him) and that wasn't bad, but playing a videogame and being genuinely interested in a sport are worlds away.

So what was learned through this exercise? Not a whole lot, actually. I never intended for this blog to be much more than a humorous distraction from the very beginning, and as is usually the case with frivolous things, in the end there isn't really anything of value left over. Yes, we all know I don't like the Canucks, we might even know a bit of why I don't, but is that going to affect your life in any way?

Of course not. But nevermind that... In my first post, I mentioned science-fiction roleplaying games and how I was going to investigate which Canucks player would be best as an avatar in one. Thought I forgot about that, now didn't you? Oh ho, I didn't. Oh ho ho. I'm sounding like Santa Claus' evil brother (not Fred Claus, more like that evil fake Santa from The Santa Clause 2) now, I think I should probably stop with the whole 'oh ho ho' thing. Anyways, the answer may shock you. After careful consideration and looking at players' stat charts for a good 2 minutes, I have determined that the ultimate role-playing character in the Canucks roster is...

FIN THE KILLER WHALE!

Or orca, if you prefer. Who else on the Canucks has sharp teeth, blubber for protection against the cold, insane swimming skills in addition to skating as well as an unholy thirst for seal flesh? That's right, nobody! (Except maybe Trevor Linden.) Fin's survival stats are through the roof, and while the rest of the team is undoubtedly fairly skilled at hockey-fighting, not even the toughest player can claim to be able to eat another human quite the same way a killer whale can.

Part Ten To Be Delayed Somewhat

OK, I'm currently swamped with assignments (as college students are wont to be) so part ten of my ongoing series of nonsense about the Vancouver Canucks won't be until next week. Sorry!

Part Nine: Number Eleven in the Western Conference

Well, I checked the standings and the Vancouver Canucks are in the oh-so-prestigious #11 spot for the NHL's Western Conference. Now, for the uninitiated, the NHL's 30 teams are divided evenly into Western and Eastern conferences, and the Canucks' conference standings of #11 means there are only 4 western teams doing worse than them at the moment. Let's take a look at those teams:

#12. Calgary Flames
Ahh, Calgary. Believe it or not, these guys won the Stanley Cup back in '89, even after trading away Brett Hull for some guy nobody's heard of. Also notable for having the NHL's first mascot with Harvey the Hound (whose tongue was famously ripped out by the Edmonton Oilers' coach Craig MacTavish in one of the best NHL mascot stories ever), having the single ugliest alternate logo in sports history and apparently having some sort of controversy regarding whether or not they should've won the cup again in 2004. How a team with such an illustrious history has managed to fall even below the abysmal Canucks is beyond me, but somehow they've pulled it off.

#13. St. Louis Blues
Despite almost always having fantastic players (the aforementioned Brett Hull is a notable example, and as many know Wayne Gretzky was with the Blues for a season), the St. Louis Blues have never really managed to be that much of a presence in the NHL. When they're not completely sucking (as they have been the last few seasons), they're stuck firmly in the middle tier - not bad by any means, but not going to win anything important either. That, and while admittedly none of the new NHL jerseys look that great, the Blues' new sweaters are especially bland. Kind of suits their current performance, don't you think?

#14. Phoenix Coyotes
You know, I've got a bone to pick with the Coyotes. I was never much of a Winnipeg Jets fan, but when they moved to Arizona and became the Phoenix Coyotes, I was pretty pumped. You want to know why? Because, god dammit, that coyote logo of theirs was awesome. But what did those bastards do? Oh yeah, they got rid of the only thing their team had going for them. They had the coolest jerseys in the entirety of the NHL, so when it comes time for a redesign they scrap everything that made their old ones awesome and replace it with a jersey so boring and uninspired, it might as well be the generic starter shirt for your created team in a hockey game. Except said hockey game would probably let you add more details to the jersey, whereas the Coyotes are left with something dead boring and they can't do anything about it. Which usually wouldn't matter, but since their jerseys were previously the only good thing about the team, it's a pretty fatal blow.

#15. Edmonton Oilers
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...
Sorry, I hate hockey teams from Alberta and seeing the Oilers ranking at the bottom of the conference fills me with joy. Suckers.

Part Eight: So The Canucks Suck, But What About Vancouver's Other Teams?

As you may know, the Canucks are hardly the only sports team out of Vancouver. They may be BC's only NHL franchise (why Alberta gets two teams and BC only has one will forever be a mystery to me), but when it comes to professional (and semi-professional) sports there's certainly no lack of promising teams in our city so why not take a look at a few of them?

BC Lions
Sport: Football
League: Canadian Football League (CFL)
Founded: 1954
Championships won: 1964, 1985, 1994, 2000, 2006

While the Canucks have never won the cup and probably never will, winning has yet to prove too much of a problem for our local football club. The Lions are on top of the league and seem every bit ready for a second consecutive Grey Cup win - but chances are, if you're into football you're already a Lions fan so you don't need me to tell you this.

Vancouver Giants
Sport: Hockey
League: Western Hockey League (WHL)
Founded: 2001
Championships won: 05/06, 06/07

I admit to knowing absolutely nothing about junior league hockey, but a quick look at the Vancouver Province's league stats shows the Vancouver Giants on top of the WHL and their recent status as Canadian junior league champions (beating out the top teams from sister leagues the Ontario Hockey League and Quebec Major Junior Hockey League) has me thinking these guys are probably pretty damn good. Add that to the fact that tickets to Giants games cost $16.50-18.50 versus the Canucks' $49.25+ and I don't think it'd be a bad idea at all to start becoming a Giants fan right about now.

Vancouver Whitecaps
Sport: Soccer
League: USL First Division (USL-1)
Founded: 1986
Championships won: 1988, 1989, 1990, 1991, 2006

Who would've thought Vancouver would have a good soccer team? While admittedly most interest in the Whitecaps recently is due to the fact that they're playing against the LA Galaxy (or, as the media seems to know the team as, 'David Beckham') later this week, BC's main soccer team isn't too shabby on its own either. Of course, the stereotype that your average North American couldn't be paid enough to care about soccer in the slightest rings mostly true, but I admit - with all this Beckham hype going on, even I'm starting to want to watch that game.

Part Seven: It's Haiku Time

You all know the drill here. 5 syllables first line, 7 second line, 5 again for the third line. Lines must not rhyme, for such are the weird and slightly insane rules of haiku. As for why I'm suddenly delving into the realms of bad poetry, well what are the odds that my first poem would be about just that?

David Kaufmann has
Run out of ideas for
His silly Canucks blog

...And my second one, too!

Getting nostalgic
Has its moments but truly
Haiku is more fun

Alright, alright, enough kidding around.

The Vancouver Canucks
How inspired they make me not
To become a fan

I don't think you knew
My favourite part of hockey
Is the word 'goalie'

Did you hear about
How the Sedins are doing?
I know I did not

I was at the Bay
Canucks merchandise really
Isn't that pretty

The NHL is
An inconvenient
Subject for haiku

I'm stopping this now
Pretend this post never was
Haiku sucks like that

Part Six: In Which The Blogger Gets Nostalgic On All O' Y'all

Once upon a time, this Non-Fan was very much a Fan. I'd mentioned my past obsession with hockey cards in a previous post, and for this post I've decided to give you all a special treat: the story of the first (and only) NHL hockey game I've ever been to. But I warn you in advance, this one's positively dripping with nostalgia, so if you're not the sentimental type you'd probably be better off skipping this one.

Storytelling time in 3... 2... 1...

I don't know exactly what it was about hockey that grabbed my attention so thoroughly, but whatever it was sure did its job well. If I wasn't watching a game on TV, reading about it in the newspaper or Sports Illustrated for Kids (I had a subscription but never bothered reading the articles that weren't about the NHL), playing NHL 98 on my dad's computer or obsessing over hockey cards I was dreaming about someday being good enough with a stick for my adventures as a goalie in the local basketball court-turned-street hockey rink to be anything less than tragedy, and yet somehow through all this I'd never managed to whine my parents into submission long enough for them to choke up the cash to pay for a trip to GM Place for a game.



However, as you've probably guessed by now, one day in 1998 (or was it '97?) that all changed. See, now at the time my two favourite hockey teams were probably the New Jersey Devils (in retrospect I can't really remember why I was a Devils fan, but apparently I was) and the Vancouver Canucks (hometown pride, obviously), and any time those two played each other it was like watching the Clash of the Titans - just instead of gigantic mythological beasts beating the crap out of each other, it was a bunch of overpaid athletes on skates whacking a tiny rubber puck with curved sticks.

So, knowing this, imagine my surprise when one day my father comes home from work bearing two golden tickets (seriously, if I remember correctly the tickets really did have gold colouring on them) to see the New Jersey Devils at the Vancouver Canucks at GM Place, to see these two great Titans doing battle in the Garden of Earthly Delights itself! (Note for future reference: whenever I say something completely insane in the future, just think of the time I called GM Place 'the Garden of Earthly Delights' and it won't seem that wacked after all)

Needless to say, when I found this out the first thing I did was to get started on making my own game poster. Inspired by how people always seem to be holding up big huge cardboard signs with messages like "TREVOR LINDEN HAVE MY BABIES" or "OUR TEAM LOGO MAY LOOK LIKE A DOLPHIN WITH A BAD CASE OF CONSTIPATION BUT IT'S STILL BETTER THAN THAT SONIC THE HEDGEHOG CRAP YOU'VE GOT ON YOUR JERSEYS, EDMONTON", I thought it'd only be natural to make a sign of my own. However, my sign-making capabilities were severely limited by A: the fact that I didn't have any paper larger than the standard office-size 8x11" and B: the fact that I had no idea whether I wanted the Canucks to win or the Devils.

So, naturally, I decided the best way to work with those flaws would be to simply use a single piece of 8x11" paper with "GO CANUCKS GO" on one side and "GO DEVILS GO" on the other. Basically, my plan was that I'd cheer for whichever team was winning, because team loyalty when you're dealing with your two favourites gets pretty tricky.

Come game night, I couldn't believe this was all actually happening. Everything leading up to the game is a blur in my memory, as all I could think about was the upcoming spectacle - the thrill of being in the same building as these godlike teams as they clash for whatever it was they were trying for. Oh, the glory of it all! My trip to Disneyland when I was 6? Yeah, that had nothing on this. Just nothing at all.

And then it finally began.

Nothing in my previous experience watching hockey on TV could quite prepare me for the thrill of being in the thick of it, watching an NHL game live and personal. Everything was so immediate, so much unlike the TV broadcasts with their play-by-play and their instant replays. I cheered any time either team scored a goal (Devils, Canucks, it didn't matter), and by the time the game was over (Canucks won 3-2) I felt as if my entire year had just been made.

After the game I got a hat from the gift shop that didn't leave my head for months afterwards, a perpetual reminder of the best day I'd ever had. Even to this day I keep that hat hanging on my bedpost, one of my few untainted memories and also a pretty nifty hat for what it's worth.

As for why, even after such an amazing experience that I still remember fondly, I can't bring myself to sit through a single game on TV? Well, quite frankly that's something even I don't know. Which, in many ways, is my biggest Confession as a Non-Fan: that I don't really know why I'm not a fan.

Part Five: So I Was Going To Write A Totally Awesome Blog Post But Then I Forgot What It Was Going To Be About So Here's Something Else

Well, the season's officially started now. Predictably enough it seems the Canucks aren't doing too great, but it also doesn't seem like we're sucking beyond redemption - in other words, the season's off to a start that is, above all, mind-numbingly boring. I saved myself from most of the boredom by not bothering to watch any of the games (the only time I really consider turning on the TV to catch a game is during the playoffs, and those aren't for another I-forget-how-many months), but checking the Canucks' website for scores I almost laughed out loud. We'd won exactly half the games played in this part of the season. It's as if the Canucks truly are destined to become the most average team in the league; surely striking fear into the hearts of the Edmonton Oilers but barely registering on other franchises' radar.

Speaking of the Oilers, anyone remember when they tried changing their logo to that weird riveted gear-thing that looked like something out of Sonic the Hedgehog? I understand the desire to appeal more to kids or whatever the hell motivated that disaster, but was putting what looked like a power-up graphic from a bad videogame on team sweaters really the best way to go about doing that? I'm asking way too many rhetorical questions here. I should probably stop doing that.

But anyhow, the point with today's update is that, quite frankly, right now I can't really bring myself to talk about the Canucks. I've got a great big awesome update planned for next time (complete with self-depreciating humour and an overdose of nostalgia), but... Not today. Sorry.

Part Four: So I Guess The Season Is About To Start Or Something

I've been told the '07-08 season for the Vancouver Canucks is beginning this Wednesday, and that the first game of the season (well, Vancouver's at least) is going to be the Canucks vs. the Philadelphia Flyers. Probably interesting news for a fan, but seeing as I'm not one I'm not going to be talking about that. But I am going to go on a little bit of a Philadelphia Flyers-related tangent, because I think it's relevant to fleshing out the Non-Fan's backstory and explaining why exactly I don't like hockey that much. Or maybe it isn't and I just like telling stupid stories. Either way, here it is.

When I was a great deal younger, I was massively into the NHL. I played the videogames, I watched the games on TV, I wore a jersey from time to time (I actually had two - one Pittsburgh Penguins because Mario Lemieux was the bomb, one Montreal Canadiens because I always liked their jersey), pretended I was a hockey player whenever I went to an ice rink and generally did just about everything hockey-related aside from actually playing it. (Before anyone asks, I didn't play because I liked being the goalie but, due to my utter wimpiness, I sorta kinda broke down and cried whenever anyone scored on me. And seeing as how I was a bloody terrible goalie, this happened a lot.) Now, around this time Kraft had a promotion going on with sports card manufacturer Pinnacle, where on the back of boxes of Kraft Dinner they had cut-out 'hockey cards' profiling various Olympic-bound NHL players. Luckily for me, it was also around this time that my mother had a Costco membership - and, due to overwhelming demand (my sister loved Kraft Dinner like nothing else and I wanted these 'cards' really, really badly for a reason I can't quite recall at the moment) she purchased many a flat of Kraft Dinner cartons from there. You know the ones, something like 40 boxes to one flat for about as much as it'd cost to get two of the individual boxes from Safeway? Yeah, anyhow, thanks to that I was probably able to get the full set of these Pinnacle/Kraft Dinner Olympic hockey cards. And, yes, Mario Lemieux was on one of them. Guy was the bomb, I tell ya.

Getting back on track, after playing around with my cut-out pieces of cardboard crack (seriously, if you've never experienced the joy of cutting out the back of a macaroni box and being rewarded with Steve Yzerman's life story you've really been missing out) for god knows how long I decided that I needed something stronger, as it was. It was at this point that I discovered the local dollar store had packs of hockey cards from 1992, packs of something like 20 cards priced at the ridiculously affordable rate of 2 for $1.00. Now, while admittedly I was skeptical about whether or not these cards from 1992 would be as good as the aforementioned Kraft dinner ones in terms of sheer bang-for-mother's-buck because half the players wouldn't even be on the same teams anymore, most of the jerseys would be out-of-date and stats would just be all kinds of utterly useless, all that changed when I opened the first pack. I couldn't believe I ever doubted these beautiful, beautiful pieces of stiff paper - on the front of each card, a glossy photo of an NHL player! With his name next to it! And on the back, his stats which I never understood back then and still don't! With his bio below them! In retrospect these cards sound terribly dull and I haven't the faintest clue why I thought they were such hot stuff, but one thing I definitely do remember was my feeling of pure joy when I discovered, amongst all the players I didn't care about in my second pack, an Eric Lindros rookie card! Eric freakin' Lindros! Now, keep in mind as you're reading this that I don't know if Eric Lindros actually is any good as a player, if he's still in the league or anything like that. I just know that, at the time, getting an Eric Lindros rookie card was sort of like having the best day of your life, and then at the end of that day you realize it's your birthday so everyone you know starts giving you presents and when you open your presents they're all exactly what you want them to be.

Over the course of my hockey card-collecting years (I think I was 12 or so when I stopped for whatever reason) I ended up with about 4 Eric Lindros rookie cards so the novelty value of having one pretty much died off completely, but whenever I see that Philadelphia Flyers logo (which if you ask me looks kind of like an enemy from a Super Mario Bros. game) I go back to my young self exploding with glee upon pulling out that beautiful, beautiful Eric Lindros rookie card. With a glossy photo of him on the front and his bio on the back. It may not sound like much now, but to a kid like me that was all it took to make my day.

And now back to the Canucks. See, it's weird. I loved the Canucks because they were our home team and you're supposed to love your home team, but after Pavel Bure got his ass traded to Florida there was never really any player on the team I looked up to the way I looked up to guys like Mario Lemieux, Steve Yzerman, Brendan Shanahan or any of those other guys from the Kraft Dinner cards. And even now, I look at the roster and I just see a bunch of names and numbers, guys that get paid more money than I'll see in my life to chase a puck across an ice rink for a season or so. It's depressing, and that's a main factor leading to how, even while the rest of the city is eagerly readying their "GO CANUCKS GO" flags, I just can't get into it. We're not going to win the cup this year, we're not going to win it next year, we'll never win a game against the Ducks at this rate and our logo reminds people of a porpoise with hemorrhoids. We might suck less than the Phoenix Coyotes, but that doesn't mean much when the spirit's gone.

(Note: Next entry going to be less manic-depressive. Hopefully.)

Part Three: What Your Canucks Jersey Says About You

As any resident of the lower mainland can surely attest, the Canucks' logo isn't exactly a rare sight. While admittedly it hasn't quite reached the same level of cultural transcendency as something like the New York Yankees' omnipresent "NY" symbol (endorsed by approximately half of all rappers), it's hard to avoid running into the angry dolphin at least a good 15 times while walking down the street on any normal day - harder still if there's a home game going on.


Knowing this, I'm sure you're all just dying to know what your Canucks jersey says about you. Or, rather, what some random blogger thinks it does. If this is indeed the case, then you're in luck because that's exactly what this blog post is about! And if it's not the case, well, go read I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER or something. Because this is where the fun begins, and if that fun isn't...

You know what? That sentence I was beginning right there? It was awful. So I killed it. Yeah, that's right. I'm a stone-cold killer, yo. And with that in mind, I think it's time to write about some branded merchandise. Oh yeah.


1) The new jersey


Chances are, if you have one of these already you're a hardcore fan in the nastiest way. These suckers are expensive as all hell and not usually regarded as being all that attractive, but simply owning one shows the world that you're not only enough of a fan to blow some $100+ on a single shirt but you're also on the cutting edge, that you've always got the newest stuff just as it comes out. As such, a lot of people probably hate you, but rest assured they're all just jealous. Jealous that you're rocking the latest and greatest and they're stuck with a nasty old '80s jersey possibly purchased from the Salvation Army. Or something along those lines.


2) An old-style jersey, but purchased new


You see a lot of these around, particularly the vintage 1972 style. Wearing a jersey from one particular era shows either a strong sense of loyalty to that time period (usually the case with the '80s jersey styles) or simply a preference for a more 'old-school' aesthetic (almost always the case with the original). Chances are, if you have one of these you're a serious fan but not obsessive; you're probably going to get the new jersey as well but you're giving it some time.


3) One of those horrible pink-and-white "women's" jerseys


I'm not sure who thought these up, but I think it's telling that I've never seen a woman actually wearing one. There are many ways that the NHL merchandising department could've made jerseys more appealing to the female portion of hockey fandom, but of them all I think making team logos pink and sparkly was probably be the most offensively stupid way possible. Well, next to perhaps modifying them to show cleavage, but I like to believe nobody even bothered suggesting that one while designing these. Anyways, if you wear one of these... I can't really say what you're like, because I've never seen you and I'm not entirely convinced you even actually exist.


4) First-generation angry dolphin, purchased at any point in time


Pretty much the standard, about 70% of the Canucks jerseys you're likely to see are of the '97 variety. Which makes it hard to say much about the wearer - they could be anybody. Could be somebody who's never so much as seen a game but likes to seem like they're supporting our team. Could be a huge fan who just doesn't see the need to buy another jersey. Could be someone who's just wearing one to fit in. Could be me. Could be you. Could be anyone in the world. OK, so maybe not quite anyone and definitely not me (I don't own a Canucks jersey, surprise surprise), but you get my drift.


5) Ratty old jersey purchased from a thrift store


Probably not that much of a fan, since chances are when one goes into a thrift store one isn't specifically looking for a certain sports team's sweater. (Does anyone still call jerseys 'sweaters'?) But hey, at least you cared enough to buy one - makes you more of a fan than me, and that's probably enough in most people's books.


Well, I believe that just about covers the different types out there. Also, if anyone has photographic evidence of someone actually wearing one of the women's jerseys, I'd like to see it because as it stands now I still can't bring myself to believe they're not just some big, sick joke.

Part Two: The Pre-Season

Well, I'm pretty late with this one but here's how it goes. For some reason or other (knowing exactly why this exists might possibly make me a fan, and we can't have that now can we), the NHL has a number of games scheduled between the league's hockey clubs throughout the month of September before the season officially starts on the 29th. Thus far Vancouver's won 2 of the 4 pre-season games played thus far, and were this a more serious sports blog I'd probably have something to say about what this could mean for Vancouver's future in the regular season. But seeing as that isn't really my style, I have instead prepared for you all the handy-dandy Non-Fan's Guide To The NHL 07/08 Pre-Season: Vancouver Canucks Edition. Enjoy.

First rule of the pre-season: Vancouver does not win to the Mighty Ducks. It just doesn't happen.

In this year's pre-season games, Vancouver's been matched up against the Calgary Flames (thrashed in our first game against them, a 4-0 shutout in our favour), the Edmonton Oilers (4-5 victory to the Canucks), the San Jose Sharks (beat us 3-1) and the Anaheim Mighty Ducks (3-2, victory to the Ducks. Obviously.) Now, with any of those other games things probably could've gone either way (like I'd know - it's not like I watched these games), but approximately all my recent memories of Canucks games have involved seeing the Ducks kick our sorry butts, booting us out of the playoff race and then going on to win the whole thing just to spite us. So the first rule of the pre-season is that Vancouver does not win to the Ducks. Seriously. It just doesn't happen.

Second rule of the pre-season: Everything you need to know, you can find in The Province.

Well, OK. The Vancouver Sun probably has a good sports section too, but I never read the Sun because it's bloody huge for no good reason and I always found the size makes it unnecessarily tedious to read. Anyhow, pretty much everything you need to know about the pre-season can be bought for a good $1.40 (minimum of $1.87 outside of the lower mainland, apparently) at any half-decent newsstand, grocery store, convenience store, SkyTrain station or wherever else might happen to sell newspapers. I mean, theoretically you could also look online (maybe to a decent sports blog, you traitor you), but for what it's worth I always say nothing beats reading about hockey along with your corn flakes when you finally get out of bed at about 11 in the morning.

Third rule of the pre-season (and first rule of the regular season): NHL hockey videogames are not a good way to predict the pre-season (or the regular season, for that matter)

Ever play EA Sports' NHL games? Or maybe you're more into 2K Sports. Whichever franchise you may prefer, the time-honoured trend of attempting to predict the outcome of upcoming games by pitting virtual representations of participating teams against each other tends to produce results about as reliable as writing down scores, putting them in a hat and picking them out at random. That being said, I hear NHL 08 from EA Sports is getting buzz as being the most realistic hockey game ever made - still doesn't change the rule, but it's something to think about.

And there it is. The Non-Fan's Guide To The Pre-Season. Read it and be empowered, fellow non-fans!

Part One: This Blogger's Thesis

Looking at that logo there, what do you see? For some, it's a symbol of team spirit - a flag of sorts, rallying like-minded Vancouverites to cheer for our home team, regardless of how badly we may be doing in the current season. For others, it's a reminder of crushing disappointment - the team wearing that symbol has never won the Stanley Cup, after all. Some still see it as an icon of crass commercialism, a blatant reference to the Canucks' corporate sponsors Orca Bay that has precious little to do with the city of Vancouver or its people.

Me, though? I look at that logo and see an angry dolphin.

Which brings me to the topic of this post, This Blogger's Thesis.

I've noticed that there are a lot of sports-themed blogs out there. Maybe not as many as there are, say, blogs devoted entirely to obscure sexual fetishes or science-fiction roleplay, but certainly a good number. But precious few of these blogs are written by what I'd call 'non-fans', people who have an interest in a sports team (or, more generally, a sport) and choose to express their interest by not watching games, not participating in discussions regarding the team and generally not being fans.

That's where I come in.

Now, you're probably wondering "why would I want to read this?" and, my dear reader, the answer is simple. Because, while other sports blogs might give you valuable information about how well certain teams are doing, which star rookies' cards will be worth thousands of dollars in another ten years or so and which team you'd be least likely to bankrupt yourself betting on in the office pool, will any of those blogs review the Vancouver Canucks online store or give you advice on which player would be best to base a character in your favourite science-fiction roleplaying game on? I think not!

With me, you've got a different perspective. A different perspective that doesn't particularly care if it comes across as ridiculous, absurd or just plain stupid - as long as it's entertaining, it's all good.

So join me, readers, as I share with you the Confessions of a non-fan. As those obnoxious radio ads for Brown Bros. Ford (at Main & Marine in Vancouver!) always say, "You'll be glad you did."